3 years ago I was feeling contractions every few minutes, and was overwhelmed with feelings of excitement and gratitude. Because this time my body was doing what it didn’t do when my first child was born.
That excitement changed to fear, as my contractions continued unbearably and my body began involuntarily pushing and my baby’s heart rate dropped each time, and concerns were raised about her health and my risk of uterine rupture. Terror when a cable was accidentally disconnected and I heard a long beeping alarm, thinking my precious bundle had died.And then panic after it was agreed we needed another emergency csection, and desperation after I was left for nearly 2 hours suffering overwhelming contractions with the knowledge that my cervix was too swollen to dilate and my daughter’s heart rate wasn’t stable.
I remember, at one point, making a conscious dexisopn to scream as much as I could every time a contraction hit me, not only because I need to release the grief and fear I felt but because maybe the hospital staff would hurry up if they realised what a bad way I was in. I still feel awful about how my behaviour might have affected other birthing mums at that time.
After spending a long time in theatre with a lengthy and complex csection, Penny joined the world. Pink, squirmy and loud – the best prize anyone could ever be awarded after such an ordeal.
Maybe breastfeeding has meant so much to me because it’s a consolation that my body CAN do what it is supposed to – I couldn’t birth normally but I can feed normally. Sometimes I get tired and touched out and my neck and back hurt from being stuck in the same positions for so long but every breastfeed is a blessing for which I will always be thankful for.
Every day for the last 3 years Penny has reminded me that my womanly body is capable of amazing things, and one day, if I play my cards right, I’ll watch her make the same discoveries.
Happy birthday my gorgeous girl. Every day you remind me how truly blessed I am to be a mother 💜💜💜